Book: Casino Royale

 

So, anyone who knows me, knows I hate “A Simple Favor". Well, I have officially found a book that I can confidently say I hate more!

 

Spoiler Warning!

The first of the James Bond series, written by Ian Fleming, who was a British spy in WW2.

Casino Royale opens with James Bond getting ready for a long night of gambling the 1/3 is just him in the casino. The first act is just about gambling, the narrator even spends a long time explaining the rules to a game called baccarat which is important if you don't know how to play blackjack or 21 just the goal is 9 instead of 21. So, our protagonist spends the first act being very haughty and upset that his boss assigned him a partner who is also a woman! Why would a woman be working? (insert sarcastic gasp) (And honestly, I question why his boss sent her since she does absolutely nothing.) I mean how dare a boss make decisions about how you should do something! (sarcasm) Mainly Bond is upset that she's female and attractive (You know what that means? These two are totally going to sleep together) According to Fleming women are very stupid. The number of times I had to hear her in association with the word stupid was already aggravating but don't worry that is not the source of my revulsion for this work of fiction.

The Second Act begins when Vesper Lynd (his female coworker) is kidnapped and thrown into a car in front of the Hotel. Bond naturally chases after her and during the chase scene, it kind of feels like Fleming was sponsored or something because it then turns into a car commercial before he remembers someone's life is at stake (the tonal change is very jarring and inappropriate). Bond is then also captured then tortured because the terrorist he stopped had a backer and this evil man wants his money. Bond naturally refuses and is put under pain for about an hour. The torturer also makes a point to tell him that Bond's testicles are at stake and that he'll no longer be a "man" as if that is how self-worth works. Seriously though if your self-worth and identity are directly linked to your gentiles you need to examine your priorities and get some therapy. Anyway, out of the sky I guess comes a Russian spy to kill the terrorist backer and scar James Bond to send a message, and not kill Bond as if that makes sense.

Act 3 is Bond proclaiming that he's done being a spy and going on vacation with his co-worker Vesper on the Beach in France. Despite his doctor telling him all is well in his swim trunks Bond still wants to make sure, so he decides to test his equipment on Vesper. All I can think is that is the least romantic/ sexy idea: Please sleep with me, I need to make sure I can get and keep an erection. But because dear reader this is Bond, he is far too suave to resist and they sleep together, and Bond even finds himself falling in love and ready to marry her. But before he can go ring shopping, they have a little fight. And here is where I was tempted to stop reading, why? Ian Fleming could have compared sex to almost anything and I might not have noticed or cared here are some examples: horseback riding, mountain climbing, tumbling, wrestling, laps of waves (all examples from literature), and so on. Does our great author choose any of these? Nope he compares sex with Vesper to sweet rape. Not just rape, sweet rape! Because she's cold and detached and must be conquered and all that other macho toxic masculinity crap.

Nothing in the world can justify the romanization or normalization of rape. Rape is never good, never “sweet”, and never ok. How dare someone in 1960 think that this is totally ok just because the sexual revolution is going on. So, thank you Fleming for fanning the flames of the rape culture that we have to deal with today.

If you're wondering how the book ends well Vesper commits suicide because to the surprise of absolutely no one she was a double agent for the Russians and she was about to be found out and she couldn't handle the guilt of lying to Bond anymore. So, Bond vows revenge on the Russians and goes back to work with a reinvigorated passion for spying.

In Summary:

If you want to read this book, don't! Read something useful, fun, or boring I don't care; just don't waste your time on this offensive, impertinent, contemptuous, disdainful, odious pile of refuse. Genuinely after this, I read a few Shakespeare plays and his female characters are treated with respect and are intelligent. How is a dude from the late 1500s more woke than a man from 1960?

 If you rate this book 1 star that is too many. If you rate these 0 stars that is still too many. If you rate it -5,000 stars that seems almost right, so that is what I'm going with.

Kat K out